4 Things Parents should Avoid when Treating Adopted Kids
There’s no place like a sweet, loving home consisting of parents and their child or children. A married couple dreams to have wonderful kids they will give birth to, nourish and nurture until they are old enough to stand on their own. Everything parents want for the family they are going to build or they have already built is a bright future and a harmonious relationship with each other.
Some married couples who were not gifted a child during the first few years of their marriage and togetherness choose to have a child through adoption. They could do that through relatives who let them have their children due to personal reasons which could be financial inability due to the number of children they already have. Like in dramas, some adopted kids could also be found in unexpected places. Couples could also adopt from a children orphanage through an adoption lawyer or a law firm, then that becomes fully legal. They could do those, and then, after some years, they could still be gifted with kids birthed by the wife herself.
On the other hand, some married couples adopt a child or children even after having their own. Reasons are many which include helping someone and also desiring to have another child but not wanting to give birth anymore.
Whatever the parents’ reasons are for adopting a child, you cannot avoid the tendencies of discomfort, awkwardness or even fusion in the family resulting from the existence of this “adoption”. Well, this is specifically pointed to family situations which are not in good terms or which have issues and damages to be mended and wherein all are aware of the said adoption. Even kids can have some issues with this matter, so parents play an important role here.
If you are the parents, you have to make sure that everything goes well and that you promote love and understanding throughout the whole family. Below are 4 things that parents should avoid when it comes to treating adopted kids living with biological kids who are all fully aware of their true relationship. Actually, all these are vital regardless of your family’s terms.
Parents do love their children so much more than their own lives. Their love is matchless!
When you are a parent, you should be aware how kids could become jealous with how you treat your other kids. They are young, and it would not be surprising if they react in certain unlikeable ways when they are jealous. One of the reasons why they feel that way is the thought that their parents have favoritisms. As parents, you should avoid that, especially in the condition of having an adopted child.
It would be emotionally hurtful to the kids who feel jealous with the actions and favors you are intentionally or unintentionally giving their siblings. Adopted children could feel like they do not have the right to feel envious at all since they are “just adopted”. That’s painful, and as their parents, that would hurt you as well. On the other hand, biological kids could feel like they are not receiving the attention or treatment that they deserve just because of the adopted kids. All these are dangerous and are causes of family problems that wreck relationships, so as early as they are still so young, parents should make efforts to explain everything to be alright before expected problems even have the chance to ruin.
When you choose to adopt a child to become your own, you must be aware that they should be and feel loved. Meanwhile, your own kids should not feel like you are being snatched away from them. Parents, even if you seem to have a certain kind of favor either for your adopted kid or your biological kid, avoid magnifying that. Remove that. Erase that. They are unhealthy and will do your life no good.
 BRINGING UP THE MATTER
Although the adoption is completely unhidden from your family, bringing up the matter, especially in inappropriate times, is not right. It could produce an awkward air, and it will be an unfavorable topic to talk about, especially if the adopted kid is not at all comfortable with that.
As parents, you must be aware and sensitive enough when it comes to the subject of adoption which might be an unlikely thing for the adopted child. Even more if the reason for adoption is being left by his/her own biological parents, that topic is really a pain to the heart. You are being insensitive if you say, “Well, everyone knows that, and it’s been a long time already.”
Bear in mind that words are sharp — even if in your perspective, what you said are not. When your adopted kid says he/she is hurt by your bringing up of the matter, you cannot say that he/she is not. Why? Because it’s not you who felt it, and you’re not the one who was left purposely by your parents. Put your feet on the shoes of them.
 PUTTING ONE OUT OF PLACE
Photo from MomJunction
Having the feeling of being left out is one of the worst things in the world! Don’t do that both to your adopted kids and your biological kids. Also, this one is a root of jealousy. This could be a reason why a child could be distant to the parents and to the siblings. This could cause adopted children to feel so inferior to their siblings. This could cause hatred of biological kids to adopted kids.
Intentionally putting a child out of place is terrible; it’s not something that great parents do! Unintentionally, you might be doing that, so be mindful.
 CONSTANTLY COMMANDING THEM ONLY
Making kids do house chores and other requests or commands is something normal in a family. What makes kids feel burdened, hateful and jealous towards their siblings is when they are only the ones being constantly told to do these things.
For adopted children, this might make them feel and look like they are adopted-to-become-a-mere-helper. That sounds cruel, right? But it’s reality, especially when parents show a change of attitude from good to bad — good during the first few years of adoption but so bad when time went by.
For biological children, this might make them feel that you are more caring to the adopted children, that you do not want them to get tired or to be disturbed. That is regardless of their position in the family.
Kids think differently and feel differently compared to adults. When you have adopted kids and biological kids, see to it that you have the correct parenting styles and the right treatment for them all, equally.
Having adoptive and biological kids is a huge commitment that carries challenges too, but you will be able to overcome every struggle if you are the leader in spreading love in the family. Teach proper treatment with each other among the kids by you yourselves as parents showing how it is done!
Blood-related or not, these kids are your family. They deserve love as everyone else does. That love will come first from no one else but you, parents.
Nicole Ann Pore is a writer, an events host and a voice over artist. Travel, health, shopping, lifestyle and business are among the many subjects she writes about. She is a daytime writer for Adams Lawyers, a team of professionals that offer well-rounded service for all legal needs. Nicole graduated Cum Laude from De La Salle University Manila, Philippines with a Bachelor’s Degree in Communication Arts.